Inhuman Creation Station

Just two weeks after Sporadic Movement, RWL was back indoors, this time at Darwen Vale High School in Darwen. Another school sports hall, another collection of gym mats, and another afternoon of questionable decisions masquerading as professional wrestling.

By this point, RWL was beginning to develop something resembling an interconnected universe. Characters were evolving, rivalries were carrying over between shows, championships were changing hands outside RWL itself, and the increasingly bizarre Chris System was recruiting new members.

Unfortunately, this would also be the afternoon when real life began interfering with the fictional world we’d created.

But before all that, there was the small matter of a dead wrestler.

The Death and Resurrection of Teh Gr8 Schitzu

In the build-up to Inhuman Creation Station, RWL’s original website, RWL.net.tc, had been reporting the tragic death of Teh Gr8 Schitzu.

The circumstances were, shall we say, a little unclear.

Depending on which version of the story you believed, Schitzu had either been attacked or pushed from a cliff by rabid wolves, with Teh Gr8 Phuka-U desperately attempting to fight them off, or had deliberately jumped while Phuka-U tried to intervene.

Why there were apparently rabid wolves roaming around Lancashire was anybody’s guess.

Quite why we’d decided that a pair of comedy wrestlers wearing Japanese wrestling masks needed a storyline involving death, suicide and accusations of murder is another question entirely.

Phuka-U opened the show with an emotional address to those in attendance, beginning with the immortal words:

“People think that I killed my best friend…”

Through tears, Phuka-U explained that Schitzu had taken their own life, asked the audience whether they believed Phuka-U was responsible, and dedicated the upcoming match to their fallen companion.

Then Schitzu appeared.

Very much alive.

And wearing a black Spider-Man/Venom bodysuit underneath the familiar Great Sasuke-inspired mask.

Rather than celebrating their miraculous resurrection, Schitzu attacked Phuka-U and accused them of attempting to kill them.

What followed was a particularly vicious encounter between the two masked idiots, with Schitzu introducing the Indian Deathlock DDT, a finishing manoeuvre that would never be seen again.

The match also marked the permanent casting of the characters. While Phuka-U had originally been portrayed by Jayyy, the role had now passed to “Cyanide” Danny Cooper, with Valo continuing as Schitzu. Both would remain behind their respective masks for the rest of the characters’ appearances.

One More… One More…

Elsewhere in Darwen Vale High School, Kazuki “Lightning” Lyger was preparing for their upcoming match.

By doing squats.

During a backstage conversation between Shawn O’ Mercy and Cyanide, Mercy departed to get ready for his match, only to encounter Lyger exercising at the opposite end of a corridor.

The two bumped into one another, forcing Lyger to restart their count.

The segment ended with a dramatic “To Be Continued…”

Because apparently, watching someone perform squats required a cliffhanger.

When the cameras returned to Lyger later in the afternoon, they had somehow reached 995 repetitions.

Painfully counting their way through 996, 997, 998 and 999, Lyger repeatedly muttered:

“One more… one more… one more…”

Attempting the thousandth squat, their legs finally gave way, sending them collapsing to the floor in agony.

“Ahhhhh, I need a doctor… ahhhh!”

It was a remarkable amount of storytelling dedicated to someone failing to finish a workout.

And Lyger still had to wrestle later.

The Chris System Gets Bigger

Following his arrival at Sporadic Movement, Chris Goodwin’s revolutionary fitness programme, The Chris System, was already beginning to expand.

Having humiliated Project S20 at the previous event, Goodwin had somehow convinced the supposedly monstrous 6’4” wrestler to join his cause.

Project S20 was no more.

Enter Project SEX.

Despite retaining essentially the same appearance, the newly rebranded enforcer had embraced Goodwin’s philosophy wholeheartedly, making an entrance to Eric Prydz’s Call On Me accompanied by an enthusiastic display of pelvic thrusting.

Clearly, The Chris System was working wonders.

Adam Watson, meanwhile, was having problems of his own, particularly with being announced as coming from Blackburn rather than Edinburgh, Scotland.

The ensuing encounter was a relatively uneventful affair, eventually descending into disorder when the referee was taken out.

More importantly, it established Project SEX as Goodwin’s personal big man and demonstrated that The Chris System was becoming something considerably bigger than one fitness-obsessed wrestler.

And there was another recruit still to come.

A Championship in Limbo

Somewhere between the previous events and Inhuman Creation Station, the RWL World Championship had become vacant.

Its previous holder, Jayyy, had relinquished the title, although the precise circumstances have unfortunately been lost to time.

Flaming Chaos had also been established as the number one contender, though exactly how that position was earned remains unclear. It’s possible the explanation appeared on RWL.net.tc, where storyline developments were frequently announced between shows.

What we do know is that Flaming Chaos and Shawn O’ Mercy met to determine the future of RWL’s top championship.

The two put together a genuinely competitive encounter, featuring some particularly substantial bumps and spills on the school gym mats.

For Flaming Chaos, formerly known as The Sentinel, it represented another significant step following their return to RWL under the new identity earlier that summer.

With the championship situation finally settled, RWL could move forward with a new chapter in its World Championship history.

The Hardcore Champion and the Thousand-Squat Aftermath

Another championship had changed hands since Sporadic Movement, although this one had taken place outside RWL.

At an XWA event in Warrington, “Cyanide” Danny Cooper had captured the RWL Hardcore Championship from Shawn O’ Mercy.

As a result, Cyanide arrived at Darwen Vale carrying the championship, ready to defend it against Kazuki “Lightning” Lyger.

Lyger, unfortunately, was still suffering from their earlier attempt at 1,000 squats.

Hobbling into the sports hall, they appeared to be carrying the consequences of their disastrous warm-up directly into the match.

Despite this, the pair delivered a good encounter, with Cyanide bringing proceedings to a close using his Crystal Clear finishing manoeuvre.

However, something was noticeably different.

The atmosphere was subdued, and the people in attendance were distracted by events unfolding outside the fictional world of RWL.

Unfortunately, those events would have consequences far beyond this particular afternoon.

When Real Life Became a Storyline

During the opening stages of Cyanide and Lyger’s match, a difficult personal situation involving Cyanide, his then-girlfriend and Valo came to a head.

Cyanide’s relationship had already been experiencing difficulties, and during the event, Valo and Cyanide’s girlfriend left the sports hall to discuss matters happening outside wrestling.

The match was temporarily halted while the situation was addressed.

When Cyanide first made his entrance, he was still in a relationship.

By the time filming resumed, that relationship had ended.

Nothing romantic had happened between Valo and Cyanide’s girlfriend at that point, but the events of that afternoon would mark the beginning of a difficult period that eventually found its way into RWL’s storylines.

What would become the Cyanide/Valo love triangle storyline had its origins here, in something that was very real for the people involved.

A Personal Note from Valo

I’m writing this part as myself, because I don’t think it’s right to hide behind a historical account when I was directly involved in what happened.

Cyanide, Lewis, IS my friend. One of my closest friends, if not my closest.

His relationship was already going through a difficult time, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that I wasn’t the friend I should have been.

Nothing had happened between me and his girlfriend at this point, but I still handled the situation badly. What happened that day, and over the following month or so, is something I’ll forever regret.

Even now, nearly twenty years later, I struggle to watch this particular footage back. It’s a reminder of a time when I hurt someone who deserved better from me.

In the years since, I’m genuinely glad that Lewis and I managed to work through everything. We eventually reached a point where we could even laugh about it, and I’m incredibly grateful that we’ve remained as close as we ever were.

But none of that changes what happened, or excuses my part in it.

Simply put, I was an absolute dickhead.

I’ll forever be sorry to Lewis for what happened that day and everything that followed.

I want RWLuk.com to tell the complete history of RWL, including the parts that aren’t particularly flattering to me. This is one of those parts.

- Valo

“I’m Face…”

The real-life tension surrounding the previous match carried directly into the afternoon’s final encounter.

NAW Cruiserweight Champion Valo made his entrance to a distinctly mixed reception, with roughly half the audience cheering and the other half considerably less enthusiastic.

Given what had just happened, the reaction was perhaps understandable.

There was just one problem.

Valo was supposed to be the babyface.

After taking in the rather awkward response, Valo simply announced:

“I’m face…”

And suddenly, everyone remembered that we were supposed to be filming a wrestling show.

With that minor issue resolved, Valo explained that he’d originally been scheduled to face Chris Goodwin in a non-title encounter.

Unfortunately, Goodwin was unavailable.

Apparently, he’d travelled to America to show off his revolutionary Chris System to the Americans.

Of course he had.

Fortunately, Goodwin had arranged for someone to take his place.

The Next Level Arrives

Enter Ciaran Kennedy.

Introducing himself as “The Next Level”, Kennedy explained that Goodwin had personally contacted him to ask whether he’d replace him at the next RWL show.

Kennedy’s response?

“Sure, why the hell not.”

He announced that he was now officially part of RWL and immediately declared his intention to eventually capture Valo’s NAW Cruiserweight Championship.

More importantly, Kennedy revealed himself as the newest member of The Chris System.

Unlike some of RWL’s more questionable newcomers, Kennedy already had experience within the British backyard wrestling scene.

He had previously been involved with National Alliance Wrestling (NAW), primarily as a commentator, and was also a member of Impact Wrestling, a backyard promotion based in East Kilbride, Scotland.

Kennedy had travelled all the way from East Kilbride to appear at Inhuman Creation Station, which was quite the commitment for an afternoon spent wrestling on school gym mats in Darwen.

Despite the uncomfortable circumstances surrounding Valo’s entrance, the two put together a good match, with Kennedy immediately demonstrating his ability against the reigning NAW Cruiserweight Champion.

By the end of the afternoon, Kennedy had established himself as a credible threat and given The Chris System yet another member.

Chris Goodwin might have been in America, but his fitness empire was doing just fine without him.

More Than Just Another School Gym

Looking back, Inhuman Creation Station was a significant event in RWL’s developing history.

The Chris System was becoming a genuine faction, the championship picture was evolving, new wrestlers were arriving from further afield, and increasingly elaborate storylines were beginning to connect the promotion’s events.

There was still plenty of the usual RWL nonsense, from the miraculous resurrection of Teh Gr8 Schitzu to Kazuki Lyger nearly squatting themselves into an early grave.

But the show also marked the beginning of a much more difficult chapter.

For perhaps the first time, the distinction between the people behind RWL and the characters they portrayed had become genuinely complicated.

Those events would continue to influence RWL throughout the weeks that followed, eventually finding their way into the promotion’s fictional storylines.

Some moments from RWL’s history are remembered because they were funny. Others because they were important. And some because, even years later, they’re difficult to look back on.

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Inhuman Creation Station managed to be all three.