Monday Night RaGE 3

By the time Monday Night RaGE reached its third instalment, the demands of RWL’s increasingly ambitious filming schedule were beginning to catch up with everyone.

With Entertainmania II less than two weeks away, there was still plenty of wrestling to get through and plenty of storylines to advance. Unfortunately, there was also a growing sense that everyone could do with a week off.

RaGE 3 was, in many ways, a stopgap. Something to keep things ticking over before the next big event, without everybody having to take themselves quite so seriously.

That’s not to say the show lacked ambition. There were championship developments, important victories and another chapter in RWL’s most personal rivalry. There was also a considerable amount of nonsense, an alarming number of decisions made on the spot, and at least one occasion where something announced on camera was abandoned almost immediately afterwards.

In other words, a fairly typical afternoon at Turning Medieval.

New Surroundings, Same Questionable Building Materials

For the third episode of RaGE, RWL had relocated to another part of Turning Medieval, setting up behind the garages in the area that had usually served as the entranceway.

The familiar blue tarp had returned after its absence from RaGE 2, although the new location meant sacrificing the large boulders that had previously doubled as makeshift top ropes.

A devastating blow to the high-flying division.

Fortunately, the entranceway itself had received another upgrade.

The red-and-white roadwork barriers from the previous week were back, alongside the same suspiciously asbestos-looking corrugated panels, this time forming an improvised ramp. A triangular road construction sign had also appeared, while two wooden supports held up a car bumper with RWL written across it.

It was probably the most elaborate entranceway the promotion had assembled for RaGE so far.

Whether any of it would have passed a health and safety inspection was another question entirely.

Take Two: The Return of Teh Gr8 Phuka-U

The show opened with Teh Gr8 Phuka-U, who promptly managed to spike himself on his head before he’d even begun speaking.

A promising start.

Phuka-U began discussing his previous encounter with Teh Gr8 Schitzu, explaining that he’d been beaten up, piledriven and concussed by his former best friend.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, he completely lost track of what he was supposed to be saying.

“I forgot what I wanted to say.”

And with that, the camera cut.

Rather than quietly discarding the failed attempt, RWL kept it in the show.

Phuka-U returned for take two, openly acknowledging that he’d forgotten his lines the first time around, before launching into a more complete account of his increasingly ridiculous rivalry.

He recalled how his best friend had supposedly committed suicide, returned from the dead and then attacked him, leaving him suffering from neck pain. Naturally, his response was to demand that Schitzu come out so he could kick his “Spider-Man ass”.

All perfectly normal wrestling television.

Schitzu duly arrived, although he was now being introduced as Julius “Schitzu” Perkihobo, billed from the wonderfully nonsensical location of “Nigera, Japan”.

What followed was less a heated confrontation and more a conversation between two people who had absolutely no intention of behaving sensibly.

Schitzu reminded Phuka-U of the “sexy piledriver” he’d delivered at Inhuman Creation Station.

Phuka-U responded by throwing himself onto his head to demonstrate what it had looked like.

Schitzu then mentioned using “the Valo move”, referring to the Indian Deathlock DDT.

Phuka-U demonstrated that one as well.

By throwing himself onto his head. Again.

When Schitzu recalled pinning him for the victory, he got down on the ground and counted to three like a referee, while Phuka-U obligingly positioned himself underneath him.

Schitzu confirmed that, yes, that was exactly how it happened.

Eventually, Schitzu issued a challenge for Entertainmania II. He didn’t want Phuka-U to wrestle a tree. No, this time he wanted Phuka-U to wrestle him.

A Dog Collar Match was also suggested, although that stipulation ultimately never made it into the event.

It’s worth remembering that Phuka-U and Schitzu were deliberately absurd comedy characters, portrayed by two British teenagers performing exaggerated fake Japanese accents. Their storylines regularly involved completely nonsensical developments, sometimes built around subjects considerably darker than the humour deserved. In hindsight, some of it was certainly in questionable taste, but subtlety was never really the intention.

There was also a particularly interesting contradiction behind the characters.

Phuka-U was played by “Cyanide” Danny Cooper. Schitzu was played by Valo.

While these two ridiculous characters were arguing about sexy piledrivers, trees and resurrection, the same performers were involved in RWL’s most serious storyline, drawing on genuine personal difficulties and building towards a Deathmatch at Entertainmania II.

Both rivalries were taking place simultaneously, between the same two people, in the same promotion.

And somehow, they were both being treated as perfectly reasonable developments.

Sixty Kicks and a Wonderful World

Schitzu eventually called Adam Watson out, leading to a Triple Threat Match between himself, Phuka-U and Watson.

Before the match, Schitzu also directed an insult towards an ex-girlfriend connected to the real-life difficulties that had fuelled the Valo and Cyanide rivalry. The remark suggested that circumstances behind the scenes had changed again, offering another small glimpse of how the performers’ personal lives could find their way into RWL’s fictional world.

Then the wrestling started.

Well, something resembling wrestling.

Schitzu immediately delivered a piledriver to Phuka-U, who screamed “Not again!” as his evening continued its downward trajectory.

At another point, Phuka-U stopped the match entirely to inspect everybody’s shoes for dog poo.

It was clearly an issue requiring immediate attention.

Schitzu later delivered a snapmare before following up with an extraordinary 60 kicks to the back of a seated Phuka-U.

Not six.

Sixty.

Quite why that particular number was necessary remains one of wrestling’s great unanswered questions.

There was even a moment where Phuka-U and Schitzu began singing a few lines of What a Wonderful World, apparently deciding that a wrestling match was as good a place as any for an impromptu musical performance.

Watson, meanwhile, occasionally attempted to introduce something resembling an actual wrestling contest, hitting proper moves while his two opponents carried on with their own increasingly bizarre activities.

It all came to a suitably ridiculous conclusion.

Watson delivered Valo’s Devil’s Night Driver to Schitzu, dropping him directly onto Phuka-U.

Unfortunately, this left Schitzu lying on top of his opponent.

The referee counted three, and Julius “Schitzu” Perkihobo won the match, despite Watson having done most of the work involved in arranging the pinfall.

At the time, it appeared to be nothing more than the conclusion to a thoroughly strange comedy match.

Apparently, though, it had been much more important than anyone realised.

The Omen Take Over

Following the opening match, Valo and Spyke made their entrance, officially introduced as The Omen, the faction unveiled the previous week alongside Overkill.

Valo, still holding the NAW Cruiserweight Championship, explained that he and Spyke had been talking. As RWL’s management figures, they had reached a decision concerning Flaming Chaos, better known outside the ring as Bryan Shuttleworth.

Spyke delivered the verdict.

“You’re fired!”

Valo added his own contribution.

“So fuck off.”

And just like that, the reigning RWL Champion had apparently been dismissed from the promotion.

Of course, firing the champion created something of a problem regarding the championship itself.

Fortunately, Valo had an idea.

He announced that the Triple Threat Match everyone had just watched was actually a qualifier for a new RWL Championship round robin.

Yes, really.

Schitzu, who had won approximately five minutes earlier, was now officially the first qualifier in a championship competition nobody had previously mentioned.

Valo then announced two further qualifying matches. The first would see himself facing Shawn O’ Mercy and Spyke, while the second, supposedly the evening’s main event, would feature Kazuki Lyger against Teddie H and Cyanide.

The winners would progress to compete for the vacant championship.

There were several problems with this arrangement, not least that one qualifier had already happened before the competition was announced.

The other was that RWL would almost immediately begin ignoring its own booking decisions.

The proposed Triple Threat involving Valo, Mercy and Spyke never happened as announced, the supposed main event wasn’t actually the final match, and Valo would later decide he wanted to wrestle somebody else entirely.

This wasn’t necessarily an elaborate series of storyline twists. Much of RaGE 3 was being put together as the cameras rolled, with decisions sometimes reversed even after entire segments had been filmed explaining them.

The Omen had apparently seized control of RWL.

Unfortunately, that didn’t mean anybody had brought a plan.

Squats, Shopping Trolleys and Thorn Bushes

The next match brought together “Cyanide” Danny Cooper, Teddie H and Kazuki Lyger in the second announced qualifier.

Cyanide received an excellent reaction from the crowd, followed by another positive reception for Teddie.

Kazuki Lyger, meanwhile, emerged from behind a road construction sign to a chorus of boos.

Despite their apparent dislike of Lyger, the audience continued demanding the trademark squats, prompting Lyger to tell them to fuck off.

A perfectly healthy relationship between wrestler and audience.

Once the match began, Lyger decided he wasn’t particularly interested in getting involved.

Instead, he stood back and allowed Cyanide and Teddie to wrestle one another.

This arrangement might have continued indefinitely had Lyger not started loudly commenting on how good the match was.

Eventually, Cyanide and Teddie decided they’d heard enough.

Turning their attention towards Lyger, the pair delivered a succession of double-team moves, temporarily putting their own rivalry aside to deal with the considerably more irritating problem standing nearby.

From there, things became increasingly chaotic.

Lyger threw Teddie into a thorn bush, which was unpleasant enough on its own.

Then, somehow, a shopping trolley became involved.

Cyanide took advantage of its unexpected arrival by ramming Lyger with it, because apparently the traditional range of wrestling weapons was no longer sufficient.

The match also featured another Axehandle Smash no-sell spot, continuing one of the recurring jokes of RWL’s backyard era.

Eventually, amid the chaos, the competitors began exchanging finishers.

Teddie landed Face Adjustment on Cyanide, but before he could capitalise, Lyger delivered a Crucifix Lyger Bomb to Teddie.

Cyanide then struck Lyger with Crystal Clear, securing the three-count.

Cyanide had won, earning his place in the newly announced RWL Championship competition.

Following the match, Spyke appeared and announced that Cyanide and Teddie would team together the following week against himself and Overkill. Whether that particular match ultimately took place as advertised remains uncertain.

There was also another rather revealing moment during the match, when Valo could be heard on commentary announcing that he wanted to wrestle Jayyy that day.

This was, of course, entirely different from the match he’d announced for himself earlier.

But if the General Manager wanted a match, who was going to stop him?

Certainly not the Assistant Manager.

He was standing right next to him.

Wrestling Against the Clock

By the time Spyke and Shawn O’ Mercy entered the wrestling area, the daylight was beginning to disappear.

This had become an increasingly familiar problem for RWL. Shows would begin with perfectly reasonable lighting conditions, only for everyone to discover several matches later that the sun wasn’t particularly interested in waiting for them to finish.

The match appears to have been the first, and possibly only, singles meeting between Spyke and Mercy.

It was also an interesting contrast in experience.

Spyke had improved considerably since his earliest appearances, but he was still some way behind the more accomplished members of the roster. His wrestling remained rather unconventional, while Mercy attempted to maintain the structure and rhythm of a more traditional contest.

The two nevertheless managed a back-and-forth brawl, with Mercy doing his best to keep things moving and Spyke contributing his own particular approach to proceedings.

Eventually, Shawn O’ Mercy connected with the T-Bone DDT, putting Spyke away for the three-count.

That meant another of The Omen’s members had suffered defeat.

It also meant that the proposed Triple Threat between Valo, Spyke and Mercy had quietly become a singles match without much explanation.

At this point, anyone still trying to follow the original championship announcement was probably having a harder time than the wrestlers themselves.

Valo vs Jayyy: The Main Event

The final match saw Jayyy face NAW Cruiserweight Champion Valo in a non-title contest.

By now, the daylight situation had gone from slightly inconvenient to genuinely problematic.

Jayyy entered first, followed by Valo, representing The Omen, with the crowd making their respective favourites known.

Unfortunately, Valo’s entrance was interrupted by a minor production emergency.

The cameraman informed him that the tape was about to run out.

So the show stopped while Valo personally changed the tape in the camera.

One moment he was the NAW Cruiserweight Champion, a faction leader and one of RWL’s authority figures.

The next he was the technical department.

There weren’t exactly many spare hands available in RWL during 2007.

Once the camera was sorted, the match got underway, and it quickly became clear why Valo had wanted to wrestle Jayyy.

By this point, the two had developed a familiarity with one another’s styles, regularly producing faster, more technically accomplished matches than much of what RWL was offering elsewhere on its cards.

This was another such encounter.

Even with the increasingly difficult conditions, Valo and Jayyy delivered a competitive, higher-level match built around the sort of athletic exchanges and ambitious moves that had become associated with their rivalry.

Unfortunately, the sun finally decided it had done enough for the day.

The camera footage became so dark that filming had to be interrupted again, this time to switch the camera into night-vision mode.

While the adjustment was made, Valo kept Jayyy trapped in a sleeper hold, allowing the action to pause without completely breaking the illusion of the match.

It wasn’t exactly the sort of production technique you’d find at WrestleMania, but it worked.

Eventually, the pair reached an excellent finishing sequence.

Jayyy connected with the Stand on You Shooting Star, only for Valo to kick out.

Valo answered with the CorZonE, but Jayyy survived that as well.

Finally, Jayyy managed to land the Asai DDT, keeping Valo down for the three-count.

Jayyy had defeated the NAW Cruiserweight Champion, scoring an impressive non-title victory in one of the evening’s strongest wrestling performances.

For all The Omen’s declarations of power earlier in the show, both Valo and Spyke had now been beaten.

But Valo’s evening wasn’t quite over.

DIE CYANIDE

Following the match, Cyanide rushed out and launched a surprise attack on Valo.

It was another continuation of the increasingly personal rivalry that had dominated much of RWL’s recent programming.

At RaGE 2, Cyanide had cost Valo his Hardcore Championship match against Shawn O’ Mercy before delivering Crystal Clear onto the entranceway barrier.

Now, with their Deathmatch at Entertainmania II approaching, Cyanide was once again looking to make a statement.

He called for Crystal Clear, preparing to deliver another blow to his rival.

This time, however, Valo had an answer.

A low blow stopped Cyanide in his tracks, allowing Valo to regain control of the confrontation.

Then Valo removed his shirt.

Written across his chest were two words:

DIE CYANIDE

It was a striking image, and another sign of just how hostile the rivalry had become.

Valo continued attacking Cyanide as the footage faded out, leaving their issues unresolved ahead of the scheduled Deathmatch on 30th September.

It was also a rather extraordinary contrast to the opening of the show.

The same two performers had spent the afternoon portraying Phuka-U and Schitzu, throwing themselves onto their heads, singing songs and arguing about whether somebody should wrestle a tree.

Now they were back to threatening one another.

And somehow, both sets of characters were heading towards Entertainmania II.

A Breather Before Entertainmania

Following the official filming, the group also recorded an unofficial Battle Royale.

It wasn’t part of the actual event or the completed show, and amounted to little more than everybody messing around together in an increasingly chaotic session.

Given everything that had preceded it, that seems rather appropriate.

Looking back, Monday Night RaGE 3 was a show that reflected the circumstances in which it was made.

The weekly filming schedule was taking its toll. Everyone was tired, Entertainmania II was approaching, and there was a growing need to step away from the more demanding side of producing RWL shows and simply enjoy doing something ridiculous together.

The intention was still there.

The entranceway had been improved again, the wrestling area had been relocated, and the promotion was continuing to develop its storylines. Cyanide had advanced in the RWL Championship competition, Jayyy had scored an important victory over Valo, and the Deathmatch feud was still gathering momentum.

But the organisation was another matter entirely.

Matches changed after being announced. Championship plans were invented midway through the show. The wrestlers improvised lengthy comedy sequences, a shopping trolley found its way into the action, and the main event required multiple interruptions simply to keep the camera recording.

There was still some very good wrestling, particularly from Valo and Jayyy, but there was also a noticeable willingness to let the show go wherever it happened to go.

And perhaps that was exactly what RWL needed that week.

RaGE 3 wasn’t an example of everything going according to plan. It was a group of teenagers, already juggling increasingly complicated wrestling storylines and an exhausting production schedule, deciding to have a bit of fun while keeping the promotion moving forwards.

It was messy, inconsistent and held together with whatever happened to be available.

Rather like the entranceway, really.

With Entertainmania II just around the corner, bigger moments and more serious confrontations were still to come.

For one afternoon, though, RWL had given itself permission to be completely ridiculous.

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Four matches, one fired champion, sixty kicks to the back and a car bumper for an entranceway. Somehow, the camera survived long enough to record most of it.